Mental Health Practices That Will Change Your Life with Dr. Hisam Goueli from Big Brother 25

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Episode 016

0:06 - Power of Hypnotherapy and Manifestation

11:14 - Medicine and Holistic Practice Intersection

20:17 - Hypnotherapy

27:13 - Overcoming Anxiety and Rewiring the Brain

39:44 - Managing Anxiety and Loneliness

44:44 - Vulnerability, Self-Esteem, and Personal Growth

52:35 - Navigating Self-Discovery and Life Changes

1:00:42 - Reflection on Personal Growth and Connection

1:13:18 - Addressing Ageism, Promoting a Positive Narrative

1:19:40 - Write a Review for Manifestation Podcast

In this podcast episode, we had the pleasure of engaging in a captivating conversation with our special guest, Hisam from Big Brother 25. Hisam, a geriatric physician and psychiatrist, shared his insights on mental health and the transformative power of hypnotherapy.

Our discussion started with the exploration of the power of hypnotherapy in manifesting dreams. We talked about how the science behind hypnotherapy supports its effectiveness in helping people transform their lives. Hisam, having used hypnotherapy himself to overcome a personal challenge, emphasized its effectiveness and how it can lead to significant changes in one's life.

We delved deeper into the science of hypnotherapy, exploring the fascinating roles of the amygdala, prefrontal cortex, and cingulate cortex in our emotional responses. Hisam provided valuable insights into how these aspects of the brain play significant roles in fear and avoidance patterns. He also highlighted the neurochemical aspect of hypnotherapy and the function of the inhibitory neurotransmitter, GABA, which plays a vital role in managing anxiety and stress.

An important part of our discussion revolved around personal growth and life's challenging transitions. Hisam shared his experiences and insights into building self-esteem and embracing vulnerability. He shed light on the impact of the narratives we create for ourselves and how hypnotherapy can help rewrite those narratives that are no longer serving us.

The conversation took an interesting turn as we discussed ageism and advocated for a positive narrative around aging. Hisam, who has significant experience working with older adults, shared his mission to help them create the life they want. He emphasized the importance of having dreams and a plan for the future, which can extend life expectancy and improve the quality of life.

We also tackled the subject of resilience and the importance of having supportive relationships. Hisam’s experience on Big Brother 25 underscored the importance of mental strength, and how the power of manifestation can help hone this strength. The conversation highlighted how understanding the context of a situation can lead to self-forgiveness, thereby enhancing personal growth and connection.

In conclusion, the episode was a treasure trove of insights about the power of the mind, the science of hypnotherapy, and the importance of aging positively. Whether you're a fan of Big Brother 25 or someone interested in personal growth and mental health, this episode offers valuable takeaways that can lead to a deeper understanding of yourself and the power of your mind.

Links

• Hisam Goueli on Instagram

• Hypnosis in Cancer Care Research

• Episode #11: “The Comp Beast Mindset with Michael Bruner of Big Brother 24”

• Jimmy Darts Instagram

• Brittany’s 1:1 Hypnotherapy & Coaching Programs

• Music for the Podcast by Acubed

SUBSCRIBE

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Thanks so much for tuning in and I look forward to catching you on our next episode!

Transcription

I'd like you to imagine your dream life, see the version of you who has what you want to have, feels how you want to feel and is who you want to be. I'm Brittany Hoops, your hypnotherapist and manifestation coach, and this is the show where I'll teach you to master the full power of your mind to guide you on your journey towards destination manifestation. All right, hello, welcome back. This is Destination Manifestation, which is a podcast for you, the ambitious dreamer, the deliberate creator, you who wants to blast through your conscious and your subconscious blocks to manifest the life of your dreams. If you're already subscribed to the show, thank you so much. Today we are bringing on our newest manifesti besti, heism from BB25. Yes, y'all, I know you guys have actually been asking for this. You've been like when are you going to have Heism on the show? Because we have so much in common. You probably know Heism from Big Brother, but very soon you're going to get to know him for his vast knowledge and expertise in helping you foster psychological well-being. That's because in real life, he's a geriatric physician and a psychiatrist. In this episode, we're tackling all your questions around mental health, the science behind hypnotherapy, the psychological impact of participating in a reality TV show which we both know so well, how to continue your dreams as you grow in age, and so much more.

I will say, one of my greatest joys post BB24, which was the season that I was on is getting to know some of the BB25 houseguests. The moment I first spoke to Heism on the phone I can't describe it it just felt like I had known him for years. I think that's because we both love to geek out on this stuff. I will say this You'll notice this episode is a little bit longer than some of my episodes. My initial intention was actually to cut down the conversation, to edit it. Once I actually sat down to do that, I was re-listening to everything. I was just like there's nothing worth taking out. All of it's so helpful. I really hope you feel like finding a ton of value in this. You find this as transformational as I found this episode, so I'm going to leave it all in for you. You can take it bit by bit, so let's just go ahead and jump into it. Heism, my goodness, welcome to the podcast. How?

are you doing? I'm so good and I'm so happy to be talking to you. You have been on my mind and I have wanted to talk to you for so long, so I'm so glad that this is working out.

I so appreciate this. I saw a kindred spirit as I was watching BB25 this season and I thought, Heism, I need to connect with this guy. I feel like we have a lot in common and what you know, we sure do.

We sure do so I'm so excited for this episode.

So, heism, we both want to share. We have this part of our lives that we're deeply passionate about mental health, helping people. We know we've had conversations. This is what you want to use your platform for. This is definitely what I want to use my platform for, but this was kind of a part of our lives that wasn't maybe the most strategic thing to just be putting everybody's faces in the big brother house. I hid that I was a hypnotherapist for most of the time. I know you hid that you were a doctor, but guess what? We're not in that house anymore. So no more writing.

We don't have to hide from anybody.

Now let's talk nerdy about mental health, let's talk nerdy about science, and so it's so funny, guys, you have to know. Before we hit record here, heism said I have a bone to pick with you and I said, ooh, save it, save it, let's pick this bone as we record.

So tell me.

Heism, you've been listening to this podcast. What's the bone you got to pick?

with me. I don't want to hear it, so like my bone to pick with you is, I have now listened to several of your podcasts.

I have live chats and every so often you're like and I'm going to let my woo-woo flag fly, and here's my contention with it. My contention with it is is what you're doing is backed by science. It is demonstrated to help people in remarkable ways. We have a really good understanding of how it works and why it works, and so I think that you're underplaying the value of what you do and this important tool. And I think, by saying it's woo-woo, people are like oh, it's like snake oil, but it isn't. No, no, it isn't. And so I that's my bone with you.

Well, I appreciate that you bring that up, heism, because you are so right, and these are things I know. I mean, here's the thing you know, as I was kind of explained to you, everyone knows, I sort of came from this corporate background. I'm very, you know, left. I always had a good balance of left brain, right brain, but, like you know, very structured, organized corporate background. And then I let all of that go to go pursue my bird dreams as a hypnotherapist and now to get to bring manifestation to the masses here, right, and how they interconnect and how they relate, right. And so it's this interesting. I appreciate the reminder because that's what drew me to it.

I had used hypnotherapy first I shared this in episode one to overcome depression. It felt like magic in the way of the shift that I experienced in myself. But I knew better than that. I knew it wasn't magic, I knew it wasn't woo, woo snake oil. I knew that it had changed, absolutely changed, my life and that's what propelled me to want to go learn how it works in the brain, in the mind. And that's why I'm so excited to talk to you here today, because you have a scientific, medical perspective to all of this and I want to talk about it.

Yes, and what I'll also say to you is if it works for you, then it will work for other people, right? And one of the things that you don't know about me is that back in high school, I was one of the people chosen to be on stage for our hypnotherapists. For you, yeah? And at the very end they basically said find something you want to change. And the thing I want to change was biting my nails, and literally right after that hypnotherapy session, I never bit my nails again.

Really In like the high school, like I'm imagining, like in an auditorium, maybe some some Brad night something. And in that setting you never, man. You are highly hypnotizable.

Then yeah, I am a very highly hypnotizable person and I am always chosen. I can be hypnotized in an audience.

I mean that's fantastic. Of course, you know I think I explained this in one episode the hypnotist is always looking for the folks like us right, that are highly open, suggestible, hypnotizable. But to hear that kind of result in what is a group sort of setting is pretty remarkable. Not to say that people won't have that experience you did. This happens for a lot. But that is that goes to show how you know. And when I say highly hypnotizable, what I mean by that is open. You know open, resistance, free ability to relax. I mean, this gets back to it, isn't some like? Oh, heism has some like a magical quality about him. Although he is pretty magical, I will say you're a magical person to talk to, but you know like ability to open up your mind and be receptive to new thoughts.

you know to let go of judgment, yes, yes, and that's one of the things that, like hypnotism and hypnosis and this trans, like state allow you is to let go of judgment, yeah, and to be open to new possibilities, yeah, and so like, yeah, like I feel like that's part of my life and why I'm so drawn to the work that you do.

Oh well, I appreciate that and I think it's so beautiful. You had made a point where we're just briefly talking about manifestation and hypnotherapy and how we can look towards, like how this makes sense of using hypnotherapy as a tool for creating a life that we want, because isn't that what manifestation is creating a life that we want? And so it's not all about the fancy cars and the million dollar homes, of course, if that's what you manifest and focus your attention, but it is about that. It is about focused attention.

It's about focused attention. Yeah, and anytime you're focusing attention on the things that you want, you can manifest and make it possible. Yeah, when I decided I wanted to go to med school, my attention was focused on how to get to med school, and part of that was doing the work to get there and also staying the course and not giving up. And that's what focused attention is. And if hypnosis allows you to get there, then why wouldn't you want that too?

Right, right, right. It's about recognizing what are the thoughts that are going through our head, the thoughts we're consciously aware of, and even the thoughts and belief systems and patterns and programming that we might be not so consciously aware of. That is operating subconsciously, and so how can we begin to refocus it all towards where we want to go, and I want to hear more about that. So tell me what led you to wanting to become a psychiatrist and do the work that you do here now?

Whoa.

So I became really passionate about trying to understand why people did the things that they did, and simply because you start to see things which are disconnected, why is someone operating with a set of beliefs, patterns and emotions that are not conducive to their health?

Yeah, yeah, and so I became incredibly fascinated with that, and originally I wanted to become a pediatrician when I went to med school, but then when I did my psych rotation, I just was opened up to the possibilities of what could actually happen for people, and I tell people the distance between A and B was much shorter from physical medicine than psychiatric medicine, meaning that if you could improve people's mental health, you could change their whole world. You could change the way they look at things, you could change how they interact with their family, you could change how they participate in community, you could change the course of the next generation, because we know that depressed moms raise depressed kids, and so you could impact not just the person's life but their entire future in society at large. And I thought to myself why wouldn't I want to be a part of that?

Yeah, you know me, I got full body goosebumps. You're so on the same wavelength because I'll talk to clients and this and that. And of course, heisem is a medical doctor. He may not be your medical doctor, but he is a medical doctor.

I am not in the medical field, I am in the more of a holistic practice here, but I love what you said and can resonate so much with that, because I will have clients that come to me and you know, unfortunately I'm not able to take insurance of any kind, I'm not in the medical sphere and they'll be concerned about the cost of working together, whatnot, which is completely understandable. But you know, it's my job to show what is the value of what anyone who would work with me would get or anything. And it's like it's exactly what you said. It changes every aspect of your life, you know, to any sort of mental health modalities or tools or anything that we use can set you on such a whole new trajectory. And how beautiful is that. And I that's so cool to hear that you recognize that and thought, oh, I went in on that.

I'm trying to explain to patients that if you don't have your health, you really have nothing. Yeah, right, if you don't have your health, including your mental health, you really have nothing. It's the only thing you'll focus on, it's the only thing that basically draws any attention and because of that, you can't do other things that you're passionate and you love, and your world becomes really narrow. And so, you know, a lot of what I talked to patients about is like we have to try different things to find the thing that works for you. And yes, of course I prescribe medications.

But in addition to right, like there are limitations to medications. Like, for example, like no amount of Zoloft is going to make you okay about your dad dying, like that's not gonna happen, right, so there's limitations to what I can do with the medicine. Now are there limitations to therapy? Sure, there are limitations to therapy, but putting them together is really synergistic. It's like one plus one equals three and the data supports that. Right, the data supports that if you actually put medications plus psychotherapy together, that you get a better response than if you do either of them alone.

Yeah, and so how do you? When you're working with your patients, it's like almost like creating own little personalized puzzles, I would imagine, for every person you encounter. How do you begin to look at someone, their life, their experience, where they're at right then, and begin to put those pieces together? How do you go about doing something like that?

Yeah, I think that a lot of it is getting a really comprehensive history, and I think that one of the things that has happened in our medical system is that now people are just like one sentence and our lives are just a lot more complex than a sentence, and so what I try to do is understand how we got to where we got, and sometimes that can be done in five minutes. Sometimes that takes an hour, right, but we will take the time that it needs to get the information that is important for us to make the decisions, for you to get better. And then we decide, like, how much of this is biological, how much of this is psychological and how much of this is social, and as a doctor, I'm constantly weighing those things and trying to figure out okay, like the problem that you're dealing with, let's say, is like the loss of your dad, okay, you're gonna have to go through grief, counseling and that psychotherapy. But also, if you're so depressed you can't get out of bed, then maybe a medication will be helpful in this case, right. And so each person is an individual, each person's life experience is different, but of course, there are patterns, right, there are patterns that you start to see, and you start to say like, okay, well, this worked for several people before you. I'm hopeful that this will work for you, but if it doesn't, we will change the plan, right?

Yeah, yeah, and.

I think that that's, and I think a good psychiatrist or a good therapist does that yeah yeah, I love how you say that too, that it's like, okay, it's working as a team.

You know Also, too, that it's like, okay, we're gonna try the. I've seen this work for X amount of people that had similarities to your experience. Let's try this, we'll see how it goes. And then we're not giving up, like we don't give up, like I know I'll talk to my clients sometimes and I'll be like I'm learning the language of your subconscious mind right along with you. Like let's learn how your subconscious speaks to you through hypnotherapy, and then I have a whole set of tools that we can grab from and try this. Okay, let's do this for a little bit. Okay, let's do that, of course wanting to get that aim and get them feeling as best as they can as soon as possible, but utilizing those various tools.

Yeah, and I think that what you learn is nothing happens overnight. It takes a minute to get better. I tell people, the time to walk into the forest is the time it takes to walk out of the forest.

Yeah, yeah.

It gives them a perspective, that it's a process. I think when people are suffering so severely, they want a quick fix immediately. I think that they overvalue what a medication can do and anticipate that that will just get them back to themselves within three to six weeks and for a small percentage of patients that happens right, and we find out that about 30% to 40% of people will have a response with a psychiatric medicine. But what about the other 60 to 70% of them? Right, yeah, yeah. So that's kind of how I think about things and, to your point, the important part is it's a team, right, and I think that the best doctors that I have been mentored by use the patient as a team member and provide them with the information and the resources they need in order to make the best decision for themselves.

Yeah, yeah.

And I tell people, if you don't have a doctor who can do that, then try to find one who can.

Yeah, try to find that perfect teammate. Yeah, on this journey, and I love that you mentioned that Not everyone is so beautifully hypnotizable like Heism here that needs one high school group session to stop biting nails. Sometimes I see clients that one session were good, great, and that's wonderful. I love that. But sometimes it requires repetition of practice, thought in a state of hypnosis to build those strengthened neural pathways of a new belief system. And sometimes that takes time too, and I think that's a constant battle, and that's the science right.

Is that neurons that fire together wire together Wire together, yeah.

And the truth is is that if you've been doing something for a very long time, that's a really strong connection. So in order to actually beat that connection, you need a stronger connection than that one. Yeah, just time and effort and intention, right, and so that's why some things like biting your nails can happen in a session, but dealing with, like post-traumatic stress disorder or generalized anxiety disorder is not gonna happen in a session. That's gonna take time, because that is a light, long pattern of behavior and emotion and thought. But the important part of that is anxiety disorders are two things, right, they're one, a fear, and two, avoidance. And the important part is is what hypnosis does? Is allows for a focused attention in a safe environment to intentionally avoid the avoidance. Like to avoid the avoidance? Yeah, to confront it. And that's how you get over trauma. That's how you do, that's the work, right.

Yeah.

And so it's one of these things like just in our society, we're talking about trigger warnings a lot Like there's a lot of like I'm triggered and this is triggering. But in order to actually help PTSD patients, we don't tell them to live in boxes, right? No, no, the treatment is is you actually have to confront the trauma, but it needs to be done in a controlled way that we can manage your anxiety, manage your symptoms and get you better, which is why hypnotherapy is one of those tools that I sometimes recommend to people.

Yeah, I would love to hear more about that in terms of I know, when we had connected, you said you know, gosh, I use elements of hypnotherapy, elements of these positive mindset sort of things, both for your patients and yourself. Tell me more about that. How did you come across these? Now, again, I'm not a doctor, did not go to the type of schooling that you have. They don't really cover hypnotherapy, right.

And in education so much. In psychiatry you will get some hypnotherapy. Okay, good, I'm glad that that's Because it's one of the therapies that we refer to. Yeah, and in my experience with hypnotherapy really comes from the work that happens from David Spiegel.

Yes, yes, danford, right, he's a psychiatrist. I was actually. I was gonna mention him that one of our core hypnosis researchers is a psychiatrist.

Like there's so much synergy there, yes, and he's a prominent psychiatrist.

Oh, very much. So yes, he's like international well-known.

He's like one of the top, one of the top of the top, right, yeah, and it really was during medical school, really residency, while I was learning about hypnotherapy. I was learning about the research of hypnotherapy, right, and sort of what works, and I would love to take like a little sidebar if we could talk about that.

Oh absolutely.

Yeah, yeah, so, yeah. So the way we think hypnotherapy works, and which drew me into it, is understanding the biological phenomenology of how this therapy works, right. Which we cannot necessarily do with psycholinalical psychotherapy. Right Sort of like the Freudian, sit on the couch. We don't have good data or FMRI or imaging studies to basically say like, yeah, this is how it all works.

Yeah, yeah.

But we do, and the way it works is that you basically have the right, right and left brain and they are connected by this thing called the corpus callosum, which is just basically the highway that basically connects these two parts of the brain together.

Yeah, yeah.

Right above that is something called the cingulate cortex and the very front part of that is called the anterior front cingulate cortex and that part of the brain is responsible for attention, what we call executive planning, which is basically like sequencing, counting, working, memory tasks. It's also important for pain perception and understanding pain, and what we find in those individuals who basically can undergo hypnotherapy or hypnosis is that that part of the brain gets turned down.

Yeah yeah, and that is the work, right. That is actually the imaging study that says this actually happens, right, and because of that, when you have an anxiety disorder, that's all turned up and so you can use hypnosis to bring it down right. The other thing from a chemical process or a neurotransmitter process is that we know that GABA, which is the inhibitory neurotransmitter, basically calms everything down, basically increases during hypnosis, right? So it's like the soothing technique, which is also why you can use hypnosis for pain, right, because pain is in this specific part of the brain, right. And so once I learned that, right, once I knew that, then I was like, oh, this is serious, this works. This is not just like sitting on a stage, this is not some magic trick, this is not some snake oil.

There is actually imaging studies that demonstrate, in fact, this does work. The parts of the brain that we expect to turn down to improve anxiety actually turn down in this state, right. So that's why, when I talk to patients about anxiety, and we talk about not just medicines, but we also talk about what therapies are available to them. This is a therapy that I bring up and, as you know, not everyone is hypnotizable. Not everyone can basically get into this state. However, if you are one of those people, then it's worth a shot.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And I love how you describe it as turning up or turning down, because that's a little. If you've never experienced this or never seen somebody be hypnotized in this way. A lot of my clients that I work with on pain management I mean literally we have them visualize a dial and I say, where on this dial, from zero to 10, is your current pain, your back pain or whatever?

Oh, it's at an eight, and we'll use other modalities to describe. If it was a color, what would it be? Does it have heat to it? Does it not Any other metaphors to describe this? And if they're like, oh, it's a ball of pain and you know, the my right side of my back or something we can begin to, and it's red, hot, let's just say we can begin to send cool, soothing blue to it and we can unwind. Okay, it's a tangled ball, but let's unwind it.

And we, you know, use these aspects of NLP to, like you know, begin to kind of shift and change those modalities or maybe turn down that dial. Okay, if it's an eight right now, what does it feel like? If it's at a five? What about if it's a three? Can we get it down to a two, and it's just so freaking beautiful to see somebody I mean to literally just feel it just and then have to have them self report like, oh, I'm in charge of this sensation. And then of course, this is not the work that I do, but you know there are hypnotists that that you know use, you know glove anesthesia or are able to help with hypnosis, even as as somewhat of an anesthetic. And in some cases I was reading up a study where I think it's for some cancer patients, some hospitals were offering you can go under general anesthesia or local anesthesia with hypnosis, and I thought that was so interesting.

Also, people's work. Yeah, he's done a lot of work in that area too, Like like cancer pain with hypnosis. And so the interesting part about it is both emotional and physical pain, like the same in the brain, right? They're both part of the singlet cortex, the anterior component of it, and so what's interesting about it is is that you can tackle both right, which is fascinating to me, right? Yeah, it's fascinating.

Oh, absolutely. So we talked a little bit about and I wanna talk more about anxiety and things like that, but you gave that as an example, as something that you might explore hypnosis or some of these more natural modalities in conjunction, right as a piece of that puzzle, perhaps for your clients. Are there any other situations that you come across that you as a psychiatrist are like maybe a client might, hypnosis might benefit in this area. Any other times you kind of think that come up, yeah.

I think that hypnosis like when you're thinking about sort of like mood disorders, primarily like major depressive disorder, when you're talking about anxiety disorders, which basically are things like obsessive compulsive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, ptsd is where I use it the most. The other place that it has really great value is addiction, and this is one of the things that we don't spend a lot of time talking about, because we believe that people who are addicts are at fault and that they are basically societally not doing good jobs, and so I think there's a lot of work that could be done to basically help people who suffer from addictive disorders.

And hypotherapeut therapy is definitely something that helps. The other thing that we use it for same with me is behavioral change, specifically like biting your nails, smoking cessation, alcohol consumption, all of these things, and the reason is is that I think we underestimate the power of our own brains. And the reason we do is we just don't understand the brain that well Like. I remember reading something that was we understand more about space travel than we do about brains, isn't it just like I?

mean it just blows my mind, how can we have this thing that is so important in us and not understand it fully? But that's also makes it so exciting and like, so Right, Like every new discovery. I mean that's why I just love studying neuroscience, because I'm like, oh, I just I want to understand more fully the scientific aspect of this.

Right.

How in the world, because it affects everything that we do, like we were talking about earlier.

Right, and then what you learn is that, like for those people who are not hypnotizable, that could you actually use these pathways of those who are hypnotizable to develop new novel treatments or brain stimulation Right, and then you could actually induce the state for people. So instead of chronic pain being sort of like things that we put in people's backs and injections and incisions and all of that, that what we do instead is we basically stimulate certain people, certain parts of the brain, right, which is you know what I talk about.

Yeah, so what I talk about is like and we're trying that already, right, with neuro-magnetic stimulation, right, we're already doing that with depression. But the question is is can you do that for other illnesses?

Right.

Could you trigger this specific part of the brain and actually induce soothing techniques? Could you help people go through post-traumatic stress disorder, Like, and that part is like where the field is going. That's why psychiatry is so cool to me.

So Hi, sam, let's. I want to geek out about some things. This is might feel a little disjointed, but this is also going to ask people hey, I'm talking to Heism, we're talking mental health. You know, I asked on Instagram, like what questions do you have? So there were kind of some some different areas that came up. So I was kind of hoping we could kind of play a little bit of a mental health ping pong. You got the medical side, I got the holistic side, let's just talk about some of these things right.

So I know we already kind of talked about anxiety a little bit, but I want to. I feel like anxiety is one of the the areas that I see clients a lot for. You mentioned it in the scope of hypnotherapy too. What is going on in the brain when somebody has anxiety? And then I'd love to talk about some tools, just at large that can help ease anxiety.

So when we think about anxiety, it's all anxiety disorders that have a fear component. The fear component comes from the amygdala. The amygdala is in every organism, right, and the reason it exists is to basically tell us when there's a dangerous situation, because we really need to not be eaten by bears and dinosaurs and things of that nature. And so what happens in an anxiety disorder is that the amygdala gets turned on and there isn't necessarily an impulse to turn it off.

And as you're exposed to that again, what ends up happening is the amygdala turns on and tells you this is danger, danger, danger. And then your brain is like, yes, this is danger, danger, danger. And so you start to avoid it. Right, and as you start to avoid it, what ends up happening is that you're safe up until you confronted again. And the minute you confronted again, your amygdala was like remember how dangerous that was, remember how stupid it was. And then you start to basically develop this pattern, right, and that is something you start to learn. The other thing that happens for anxiety is that you also have to learn what to be afraid of. Now, there are some things that we're all afraid of, but there are some things that we learn to be afraid of. Like, for example, like my mom was afraid of spiders, so I learned to be afraid of spiders, right, cause she had a huge emotional response to spiders.

You're seeing that at his young age you're soaking that in there creates a program spiders equal danger or fear, yeah.

Exactly, and so, and the amygdala's job is to basically help warn us right, and so a lot of the anxiety disorders are amygdala driven, and then they're basically reinforced by this prefrontal cortex that basically tells you like, yes, as we're scanning the environment, there's danger around here.

The amygdala fires the brain then gets confirmation that this is dangerous. You learn that pattern of behavior and then it leads to avoidance. As you start to avoid, your world just gets much smaller and smaller, which means that you can tolerate less and less. And the less and less you tolerate, then the more scary the world becomes, which is why a lot of people will tell you is like my anxiety started off kind of small and then it just sort of like ballooned right and like and that's how we go from like being afraid of spiders to being afraid of everything.

Everything. So? So what does somebody do? They recognize these patterns are cause. I mean, our brains are designed and thankfully so, to create these patterns. These could almost and I don't know if this is the right terminology, but could be considered faulty patterns because they're not serving us or they're not, you know, they're triggering a sense of danger when there might not actually be any. What does one do if they notice themselves in this pattern of avoidance and that you know that anxiety bubble's getting bigger and bigger and bigger and encompassing more and more and more?

Yeah. So the thing that you can do is either one you have to get over your fear which nobody does, right? You're just like your brain is just not wired to do that or, second, you tackle the avoidance, right, yeah, the way you have to tackle the avoidance is in a structured way that it doesn't trip your fear of actually doing the work, right?

Uh-huh.

Which basically means that it's gonna take time, right, and it's small improvements each and every time, right? So, for example, like, if I'm afraid of spiders, I am probably not gonna go to like the wide world of spider exhibit and hang out with spiders, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Start off by probably like looking at pictures of spiders, right, and then slowly getting accustomed to that and managing my anxiety related to that, right, and then I might take it to the next step, which is like I may hang out in a room where there's a spider very, very far away, right yeah, and you just sort of habituate gradually to improving your anxiety, which is why what you're learning is is your brain is learning new things. This is the beautiful part about brains is our neuroplasticity, right?

Which is our brains to relearn new things, to basically develop and change. And we see this with stroke all the time. Right, like people who suffer stroke, basically the loof function of their arm and leg, their brain rewires itself to gain, function right. And the same thing can happen when you're dealing with an anxiety disorder. Is your brain can rewire itself to basically say like that's not dangerous anymore. Which is the best part of hypnotherapy is like you're strengthening those connections over and over and over, repeatedly to that becomes the major highway right.

So instead of road being like I'm afraid of spiders, there's a highway that says I'm not afraid of spiders, right, exactly, I always give the analogy that it's like an eight lane highway is what you have, and we kind of got to take a machete and chop through that forest to create a new path. But how does that path become? You know a path that everyone's gonna walk. You got to keep walking it. You just got a foot.

you know feet on the ground to create that path. And I love how you're talking about kind of these little, like almost many exposures as a way to kind of open up, because that's what we do in hypnotherapy too. You're in a deeply relaxed state. We use visualization in a very distance, dissociated sort of way, maybe even being in the third person.

A lot of times I'll have my clients kind of like visualize themselves watching from above and say let's use a spider instance. Okay, say you're by a spider, but notice how relaxed you are. And we're just I'm reinforcing this repetition of this deep state of relaxation, little bit of spider, and then we'll let the image of the spider go away and we'll go back to your safe place, your place of relaxation, and we're inching a little bit towards it. Of course nothing's, it's all created in the mind, right? So that after that session maybe don't go to world of spiders, but maybe, if there's a spider around, begin to test this and to prove to yourself in real life here that those same natural relaxation states that you've kind of created on that subconscious level can apply consciously now too. Because I'm sure, as you notice, like once we get a little bit of that exposure and it's a positive experience.

oh it just it unravels so much faster after that, because then now there's a built up of confidence like, oh look, I can do this, I can be here, you know, and you learned it, which means you have the skill, which means you can use the skill whenever you need to right and that's the beautiful part right Like, once you learn the skill, the skill can not only apply to what you're doing, it can apply to other things. Right Everything. Yes, cell tip noses I love.

I want all my clients to learn it so they don't have to come back to me. I'm the business of non-repeat clients. You know. I mean to be quite honest. That is my business. I wanna teach you to be able to do this because whenever they'll come in, they'll be like oh, brittany, thank you for blah, blah, blah, blah. I was like that is all you. I was not in your brain. You know I'm not in your brain. You created that state. I help, I was like a tour guide, you know, to help you get there. But you created that. And how empowering is that when you realize you're the one who creates it.

Yeah, it's an incredible gift, right, and what you find is that even people who are hypnotherapists require other hypnotherapists for help.

Same thing it's like just as doctors.

Like you know, in psychiatry, just as we help people with psychiatric illness, a lot of us basically end up getting therapy on our own right and that's just to basically cope with the things that we're dealing with. And it's part of our training right In psychiatry. It's part of your training. You have to go through psychotherapy right, so that you have a good understanding of who you are and what is you and what is not you right.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Destination manifestation will be right back. So let me ask you this when do you plan on living your dream life Seriously? Because here's the thing the past is done, the future is never promised. So when, honestly, now is the only time you have to live a life of your dreams, because the now is all you are ever guaranteed. It's all you ever really truly have Now.

I'm sure you guys see this all the time, right? These days, we have such amazing people doing such amazing things. We have international superstars like Taylor Swift and Beyonce taking the music world by storm. We have entrepreneurs that are literally funding their way to space. We have Nobel winning scientists developing life saving vaccines and cures to diseases. I mean, it's literally mind blowing.

And hey, don't get me wrong, I love these big, huge life changing manifestations. I see them every day. But just yesterday I was traveling on home and I was thinking to myself what if you just wanna enjoy your life a little bit more fully? A manifest, a life that brings you joy, contentment, maybe a little bit extra fun, freedom, time. Or maybe it's manifesting a new job or a move to a new city, or even meeting your soulmate, your dream partner. Maybe it's manifesting, a business that affords you a life to focus on your passions and what you love most. Hey, I manifested that. I understand. Well, it turns out that's exactly what one-on-one hypnotherapy and coaching is designed to help you do For manifesting more abundance, whether that be money, time, freedom, love to creating a life that you're actually excited to live. One-on-one hypnotherapy and coaching can help you create the mindset that will fuel a better, more joyful life for you, and through my one-on-one hypnotherapy and coaching programs, I'll take your hand and I'll guide you through the tools that you need to align your thoughts, your beliefs and your actions to create a life of your wildest dreams. Trust me, right now, the world just feels downright chaotic. There's so many different things that are competing for our attention. You got the news, you got social media, obligations, chores, responsibilities. There's so many demands placed on us that it just feels like there's nothing left for you. But with my programs that use the power of hypnotherapy specifically for manifestation, my one-on-one hypnotherapy and coaching programs are like having that personal trainer, but for your mind. That's kind of what I am, because together we build those mental muscles that are required to believe in your success, to map out a plan and to support you every step of the way so that you can begin to live life on your own terms. Trust me, now is the time to live your life and start manifesting your success.

Today, go to britneyhoopscom to learn more Exactly. So how's that? Let me ask you. So all of this, we're talking about anxiety. What elements? What would you say for somebody who has social anxiety? That was a question that came up on Instagram. Social anxiety is there anything in particular from this that you would apply, or think differently about this? Any specific tips there?

Yeah, I mean, I think that all of the anxieties are the same right, and social anxiety is no different, that there's basically fear and there's avoidance, right, and so the truth of the matter is is that you have to have the tools necessary to confront the avoidance right, confront the avoidance.

yeah, you have to confront the avoidance, right, and all of the anxiety disorders are the same this way, right, like? And I think that and I'm using a broad stroke because I'm probably oversimplifying it all, but it's so that it's understandable but you will find every anxiety sort of has these two hallmarks, right, it's fear and avoidance, and social anxiety is no difference, right?

There's a fear of being around other people. That is the fear, rather than spiders where it's being in groups or whatever my name.

So they're basically are they afraid of public speaking or they're afraid of going to the bathroom in front of other people, right? The only way of getting over that is you're gonna have to do these micro, mini experiments. Now, the more you avoid it like, for example, if I have a social anxiety and I basically avoid public restrooms, right, and I basically have to rush home this is gonna limit your life, right? So, like if you're out to dinner with a bunch of friends and all of a sudden, you had something bad to eat the day before and you have to use the bathroom, but you can't use the bathroom because of your social, you're gonna be in trouble.

Yeah, you're gonna be in trouble and it's gonna impact your life, right, so you're gonna cancel your plans, you're gonna change your behavior, and then you're gonna say, like I did that because I was too anxious, right, so? But if you're able to confront that anxiety and change that anxiety, then your whole world opens. And so, like, in general, it's finding a therapist that understands you, one, two, that basically is designing experiments for you to basically confront your fear in a very reasonable, very controlled manner. And then it's so bad, right, like, if your anxiety disorder is so bad, that's when I use a medication, right, yeah, if your anxiety is so bad you can't get out the door, right, then we need to talk about a medication. Right, so that you know I talk about levels. Right, your anxiety is like a zero to a 10, right, and if you are someone who's operating constantly at an eight right, your ability to basically reason through things and think through things is really limited. And so, if I can use a medication to take from an eight to a four right, so that's workable.

You can work with that.

Yeah, Right, so you can do the work that you can learn so that you can do the experiments. Great, let's use the medicine and then, once you're better, let's see if we can pull the medicine away.

right, yeah, yeah.

And so and I really believe that anxiety disorders are learned phenomenon, right, they are something that we learn, right, we learn sort of how me. Yes, they have a biological basis, yes, there's a neurochemical thought process about it, but at the same time, like you can, just as you learn anxiety, you can unlearn it.

Yeah, yeah, oh, I absolutely love that. Here's another one, so kind of shifting gears here right Loneliness okay. Loneliness I know it's a state that everyone can experience regardless of age, but I'm sure, given the patients that you work with older patients, you might see this quite a bit. What do you recommend for people who might be experiencing a deep sense of loneliness, regardless of how many people they might have around them or what their situation?

might be. It just really depends on where the loneliness is coming from. This is where you have to actually dive into like what is the deal right, Okay, and what I mean by that is like you can be lonely by yourself or you can be lonely in a group of 100 people.

Yeah, yeah.

Like I used to. I'll give you an example. Like when I was in college I was part of a chemical fraternity. I knew everybody, everybody, like I was friends with everybody. And I remember being at a party and everyone knew me and I knew everybody and I never felt so alone in my life and the reason I felt that way is I didn't feel like anyone really knew me, right? I?

remember feeling that way in the big brother house yeah, like 60 people, and I felt very lonely Right.

Nobody really knows me, right, like they all have a perception of who I am, but nobody really knows me, and that was really caused me a tremendous amount of loneliness, right, and so you know the way that I kind of reacted. That was like I was like well then, I have to develop true connection. The thing that I had to do to get there is I had to learn how to be vulnerable.

I was gonna ask you what's the key there? Yep, that's it.

And the more I study about vulnerability, the more I'm convinced that it is a necessary part of connection and life and that being vulnerable, to take a chance to fail, to not succeed, is actually the key to living your dreams, right, because you will never know unless you're vulnerable. And then how do you take that vulnerability? And not take it personally, right, yeah, when things don't go the way you want, and that part is really hard and that takes a lot of mental work and effort. Not to put your ego attached to the choices and the chances you are taking, right, yeah. And you know, as you know, like when you apply for a show like Big Brother, there's a large chance you're not gonna be asked, right, yeah, you won't get the opportunity.

And not to take that personally, right, yep, and it's gonna be like I'm gonna do it again, right, yeah, I'm gonna do it again because it's something I want, right, yeah. And so loneliness the antidote to loneliness is connection, much like it is with addiction. Right, the antidote to addiction is connection, yeah, and because a lot of people who use substances are looking for a way to escape, escape, yeah, and a lot of times they're escaping from the loneliness that they feel, yeah, Because they're disconnected from the people that they love or care about, or from things that are important to them.

Here's another. Let me throw another curveball at you here Heism, self-esteem. So now we're getting into kind of the dreams and the goals mode. Right, self-esteem we know it's important. What happens when you got a low amount of it? Low self-esteem, say you have a patient that's suffering from low self-esteem. What might you suggest? What's your perspective on what they should focus on to sort of build up their self-concept?

Well, we have to know what stories they're telling themselves, right. A lot of this is what story you're telling yourself, right. And where did that story come from? Right? And the truth of the matter is that people's low self-esteem comes from a place right. It didn't just happen. Like we, as kids, believe we are imbitsable, we can do everything, that the world is our oyster Like. I've never met a six-year-old who can't be a painter and an astronaut, and like a doctor all the same time.

But something has to tell you that that's not true right, and usually it's an outside force. Sometimes it's society, Like, for example, telling little girls you can't go into math and science. Sometimes it's a parent basically saying that you're worthless and you're nothing. Sometimes it's someone you, a trusted person who sexually abuses you or assaults you. Sometimes it's an experience that you have where you learn something while hanging out with friends or alone. And so the question is what is the story right and what is the evidence to support that story right, and what have you done to reinforce it right? So self-esteem is not only just having the event happen, but also the reinforcement of it.

The living of that, the running of that programming in the present moment. So I always tell my clients I'm like, okay, something the past only ever exists, as what you were replaying in the present moment, that program you're pressing, play right now in that, that's done, that's said and done. What are we playing right here, right here, right now. And what you said just kind of reminds me of a beautiful exercise that sometimes I'll bring when I, when I notice that kind of situation that you're describing, that I'll do with clients of like, okay, say I got this story from someone or some event or something, or, you know, say it was something that they felt like, oh, you know, my dad said I was not good at this and so that's why I feel bad about myself, or whatever it might be right. We kind of do this beautiful thing in hypnotherapy where we were, we ceremoniously give that back. You know where we, we untie it from ourselves say hey, this isn't serving me.

You know, I know you must have been hurting. Here you go, this is yours sort of karmically to heal, and I am free of that story that I'm telling myself. And what story do I? What story will support where I want to go? I want to be over there. What story is going to need to bridge that gap from where I am here over there, so that I can play that one again and again and again in the present moment? And you know, that's where a lot of the suggestions or affirmations we might come up with, these positive thoughts like what's the story I want to be continually telling, and begin to like instill that, yeah.

And I tell people. I tell people, like, when you come to me, it's because you're suffering, right, like if everything was OK, you wouldn't be talking to me. Right, the reason you're here is because things are bad, right, and so why not try something new? Right, like, why not try something different? Right, because you could go home and continue to do what you're doing, right. And the truth of the matter is, like, until you're suffering gets so bad, you're not going to change, right. But the reason you're here is you want to change, yeah, so then how can I support you in your change?

In your change. Yeah.

And what you find is that when you basically, you know, sometimes, like I tell patients, like I can't be working harder than you, right, like you have to do, like I can't be working harder than you to get you well Right, yeah, no no, I am working so hard to get you. Well, I was like no, no, no, this is actually your work to do.

Yeah, oh, I'm so fully on that you know that is, I would say, like it, just like us, just like talking one to one, like I would say me as a practitioner of hypnotherapy, like that is the one of the hardest parts, I think, because I would love nothing more than to be able to just go like and like and help somebody and just have it change. But I cannot do that work. I always say I'm the conductor of the orchestra, but you're playing the instrument, you know Right, I can't play it for you and I wish I could. What do you find? I'm just curious what do you find in those situations where you find yourself working harder than the person? How do you try to switch that dynamic?

I would also like to learn from you. If you ever wash me on a big brother, you know how I handle. This is I just confront people. I just confront. Yeah, like I just want to tell you right now it feels like I'm doing a lot of the work, and the reason I feel that way is because I feel like there are times you are maybe too scared or too anxious or too unprepared to basically do the work that I'm asking you to do. So we need to come over the new way so you can actually do the work Right. Yeah, the truth is is like all of this is internal, right. Like this is how your brain processes. These are the stories you tell, these are the things that you believe and yes, of course, like if I had a magic wand to basically like make you better than I'm going to win the Nobel Prize.

Right, give me one, if you figure one out.

I tell people like it's, the work is hard right, and it's also important to inform people to work is hard right.

Yeah.

Like it's not going to just magically get better. You have to do the work, but the work is worth it, right? What are some?

of the stories that you think trip people up the most from doing that hard work. So, like, say, you got somebody in this situation you feel like you're doing more of the hard work. They're not doing the work that they need to get better. Right, what is? What are the any common stories you see that are preventing that?

Right, I'm not worthy is a big one. Yeah, I'm not worthy, I'm not good right, like, as whatever goodness means for this person. Like I'm not a good person, I don't deserve, right, I'm not deserving of, and like, and I don't have the tools right. Those are all of the things that I hear and so, like what you'll see from me a lot right, which can be taken the wrong way is like I'm confidently, am like I deserve, I confidently am like I belong, I'm confident that I will have. And it comes from the fact that, like, for a long time I didn't feel that way Right, it took work to become that way. Right, where you know society as a gay Arab Muslim man tells you you don't belong. In lots of different aspects, it took me time to basically say like no, I absolutely deserve to be here, I am absolutely worthy, I am absolutely, like, designed to be successful. Right, and that work is hard work. I mean, you know, I'm 45. Like, I didn't get comfortable in my own skin until, like the last eight years of my life.

What did that look like for you? Heism? Like what was that? What was required? Like how did you like? How did you get from A to B there where?

you did truly make that. Yeah, what it was was. I was tired of being someone. I wasn't right, you know. I think that I just got tired of trying to pretend to be the thing I could never be, which was straight or not, Muslim or not Arab, Like. I just got tired and like, and what you find is it just takes up so much energy to pretend to be something that you aren't that you might avoid.

Right, it takes more time to avoid.

You should spend the energy to be something that you can be right and embrace that thing that you can become right.

And so you know it takes work though, it takes time and it takes a lot of kindness right, and you find the support how you find it. I also did lots of things like I got rid of people that didn't make me feel good, like I don't mind criticism, but like there was like a point of time that people were just brutal, right, and that had nothing to do with me, that had everything to do with them. But you have to learn that right, you have to learn that and that's you know. That's one of the things that I sort of taken away from. Like you know, my time on BB is like thank God I went into the householder, right.

I think about that too. I was talking to Caitlin Herman. Do you know Caitlin Herman from BB? I think she was BB 20. She was 24. And I'm like, oh, 24.

I couldn't imagine, you know especially with like household media nowadays, right Like oh my gosh, and I was going to tell you how terrible you are, right?

Yeah, and you know that's the thing, right? Like you know, we are now connected more than ever. The stories that we have in our own head can be reinforced by the stories that are provided by people hiding behind avatars on Twitter. Right, and you start to wonder is it true? Like, is that who I am? And because you already have that story in your head, it just reinforces it. That highway gets bigger, right? Those connections become deeper and then it's harder to actually feel better, right, yeah?

So, you know, like from my experience is it just. It took time, right, and it took a real effort to basically knew what I was and what I wasn't yeah, accepting my faults but also my strengths, yeah, and really putting myself in a position where I was going to ask for some things. Right, I was going to ask the world for some things like and you may say that's manifestation, but I was going to ask the world for things, right, yeah, and I was going to unapologetically ask.

I was going to say I deserve it.

And I'm going to unapologetically ask for it right.

And what was the result of that? You get to that place where you're that way. How did life shift? How did it change Isam when that you reached that level?

Yeah, I think that what you find is that my ability to make connections with people is a lot more real, my ability to be vulnerable is a lot more frequent, my ability to sort of proudly stand up and say this is who I am, despite people saying differently. And also it has also focused my goals right, like. One of the reasons I went on Big Brother was I wanted to basically change my life around. Right, I was a little afraid that it got stagnant. I had everything that I had wanted right. Like, everything that I had asked the universe for, I had it right. Yeah, and so the next thing I needed to ask the universe for was a change, right.

A change. I know we don't ever stop Like we're all like oh great, I got it all, let's just relax. No, we're always wanting the next iteration of ourselves. Yeah.

In the next iteration of myself, like I want to be better than the last iteration of myself, and as I have gotten older, the thing that I want to do is give back more. Right, that's the thing I want to do now, right? So I've moved into a different era of my life where it's much more important for me to actually provide service than to take, and I'm hoping that this platform, this BB platform, will allow me, similar to you, to meet people and improve their mental health in a new way. Right, yeah, and to explain things to them where they may not have found someone like me to talk about their issues in a way that makes sense to them.

Oh, and absolutely will. It already is. I mean look at this conversation here. Wow, hi, sam, I'll ask you kind of one finalist question. We didn't talk too much about BB, of course. I hope maybe that's perhaps a little refreshing, considering I know you've done many an interview.

Only about that, you're multifaceted people right, like, yes, you get to see us on Big Brother and yes, I love Big Brother, just like you love Big Brother. I love the game, but I don't want it to become my whole life.

That's not healthy. I mean, we know what's mentally healthy Having anything become your whole life is not mentally healthy in any sort of capacity. But I know that feeling. I remember it felt so good and refreshing to just talk and get back to what you're passionate about, what you're familiar with, to share yourself in a new way with a new audience, new clients, new patients, new friends. You know all these things. But can I just sort of ask you, from one human to another, like, how are you doing, Like, how are you navigating post-BB life?

Yeah.

I know it's a big shift, it's a big change and I'm curious if you and you're still very much going through it. So I'm not expecting you to like have this like buttoned up answer, but any advice for people who go through big life changes like you're going through right now.

Yeah, I mean, like you know, I wanted to change so I could reevaluate the things that were important to me and also test myself in new ways.

And I learned this Do that, yeah, yeah, I knew the answer to that question yeah.

I mean, like, one of the things that I learned is I'm a lot more resilient than I thought, right, that my hope, my ability to plan, my ability to overcome was stronger than I even imagined.

Right Two, I learned that I'm really mentally tough Right Like I'm really a mentally strong individual, that that is a strength of mine that I've been honing, and a lot of this comes from sort of mindfulness practice and also manifestation. And if you watch BB, you'll see this happen often for me, Like right before a competition. You'll see me take a deep breath in Like there is a moment of like calm. You'll like watch me sort of calm down before I get into the competition. And I think that the reason I win right is like I'm not thinking about a thousand things, Like my focus and attention is really like honed in.

Yeah, I need you to hear my interview that I do with Michael here. Oh yeah, because we talked like I mean ding, ding, ding, I bet, like this is the exact, I might as well copy and paste this mental honing, right. I mean, you guys both are huge competitors, so I mean that's just interesting to see the similarity.

Yeah, and so, yeah, and so I was like I learned that about myself too, and like the other thing that I learned is that there are a lot of people that are hurting right now. Right, and although I knew that from a psychiatric perspective, I wasn't necessarily aware of sort of the societal component.

I don't think anything can prepare you for the hurt that is directed, and it's like when you're like on Twitter and Instagram and all of that, like it became very apparent to me.

I was like there are a lot of hurting people Like this is nothing to do with it, Right? This comment has nothing to do with me.

Oh yeah.

And it made me really aware that there's so many people who are hurting, and it's caused me to ask the questions like how do we make that better? Right, and I'm still sorting that out, right, like I'm still sorting that out Like, how do we make that better, right, and then we make that better yeah.

And so and sort of. Probably the last thing that I sort of took away is that I was like how important it is to be surrounded by people who love you and care about you and who know you on a more deeper level or a deeper level, and who are able to say we know that that's a television show, we know that it is edited, we know that that was a high stress environment and may not be your best behavior, and to give me grace and mercy and kindness for the mistakes that I make and to accept that as just a thing that happened, as opposed to my entire personality.

Right, you're gonna be tear up. I have this exact, I mean I understand this so viscerally. Like I remember the feeling of relief when I just, you know, saw my husband for the first time afterwards and heard it come out of his mouth. It's like you're good, we understand, we know, you know, because those were so for me. It just festered Like do they think this is me Right? You know, but to realize that the people who really care for you and know you, like they know the context and they're there for you, like they're there for you, it was interesting.

The thing that most people don't know is like you know after you're evicted and they're basically sending you to the airport. Like you're in a car heading to the airport and you have your phone and my mom called me while I was like heading to the airport and I remember like her, I answered the phone and she's like I love you so much and I just started crying right and cried the entire car ride to the airport, which is about 40 minutes or so, because there was just a need to release and a need to know that I was still loved despite the fact that the house was hard.

Yeah, Like we were talking about before this, like if there's a thought and then if you start to believe it or question even, could it be true? I'm speaking from my experience here, but like could it be true.

And if you let your mind go there and then you're cut off I mean, I remember this is designed to be cut off from the outside world You're cut off from those connections. I hadn't realized how strong having these people in your life like I knew that was important and connection was important to life. We've talked about a lot about connection here today. I knew that was important. But then to not have that and to who are you when you don't have those resources, those people who are helping fill up your cup you know, oh, and then to be, and then to have it all of a sudden.

I so relate to that overpouring of emotion because it fills you up.

Yeah, and it was interesting because there was an interview I did and it was the first time someone had called me a villain, right, they're like. So in the interview they're like how does it feel to be the villain? And I had never had that perception of myself, right. So in the house I did not see myself as the villain. I saw myself as a game player who was trying to make strategic moves to help my group move forward, right, and you can watch the interview where I completely deflate, right, like you can see in the interview, where it hits me, right, and I'm like oh no, right, like.

And then you're with your thoughts, right. And then the question to your point is you're asking the question is like am I a bad person? Am I a villain? Right, Like, am I evil? Right, like, am I uncaring? Am I and that's the craziness that happens in your brain right, and this is when we talk about self-esteem. Right, all of these things that sort of lived in my life, that were like before you know, I decide I'm going to live authentically as myself, all of those things come back, right, and all of those like messages and films and words just start to replay in your mind and it can become deafening, right To like. That night I spent the entire night asking the question like am I a villain, right? Am I bad right? And all it took was like someone to say it right. And then you know, of course you go on to social media and people have lots of opinions about you and then they want to reinforce that. And then you know, to your point, like then you get your family and friends who are like listen, no.

No, we know you, we know who you are. It's like you got to like latch in when you need that. It almost feels like life support of the story, like give me the story that you see is true about me to help me reground you know, that's right, because that question am I a good person?

Oh, heism, you could have been a fly in my brain and big brother. I grappled with that question so much because I thought I was doing the best thing that I knew how to do. I thought I was making the best choices. I am a human. I recognize now that there might have been better ways to have done things, but I was doing the best with what I knew and what I was given in the situation I was at the time.

And then to have that be questioned, when you thought you did the best you could do, and then it's questioned, I mean that just that just went on my brain. It was just like constant in my brain Am I a good person? Am I a good person? And I remember I just looked at my husband in that hotel room finale night and was just like, am I a good person? And to have him look into my eyes and say, yes, you are, oh, I'll never. I'll never forget it because it's just like sometimes you just need to be reminded from people who know the real you.

You know Because everybody there's a lot of hurting people who are going to try to tell you their story about you and this is where I grapple with this and I'm sure you're like it's not that I want to be cut off from. Like I can take criticism, you know. Like you know what I mean. Like there's a difference between being like ah, la, la, la, I don't want any criticism about me, versus like letting it impact your self concept or your self esteem, or how you define yourself as a person.

There's a, there's gradients there, you know, and I don't ever want to be so cut off that I don't listen to anybody ever. But there is a different kind of brrr.

There's a different kind of breed of this. I only tell listening to criticism and feedback to make me better, right, and and that's the distinction right, like if you are gonna criticize me and give me feedback to make me better, right, to hold me accountable, great, let's do it right all day, every day, right. But if this is just to basically make me feel bad about myself, not like I have to keep it moving right, like I have to keep it moving right, there's already a lot of negativity in the world. Like I don't need any more negativity. I don't need anyone telling me their thoughts about how terrible I am as a human being.

I get it. We don't have to be friends. That's fine with me. Right, I get it. I totally. I don't. I'm not friends with everybody either. Right, like you know, like it you, you'd be hard-pressed to go to the office and be like I love all of my co-workers. Nobody does that. You don't like me I. That's cool, that is totally cool. But at the same time, like I don't want to go to my job and basically be bullied and harassed.

I don't want to basically get on my phone and be bullied and harassed right and and I don't do that to other people- so you said you know I want to keep this along. Here's my final question for you, because me, here you went on big brother to Shake things up, to have a new experience. And now, what does the future hold for Heism? Like dream with me. What's what's next?

for you, thing that I want more than anything, right? So there's anyone who can listen to make my dream happen. Oh, come on, everyone, listen up. Here's what I want. I Want an opportunity to help older adults live out their childhood dreams, and I want to show older adults that there is a life after 65. That's what I wanted full body goosebumps, right and. And the second thing I want to do is help families. I understand, right, like how to love an older adult, right and? And give them the education that they need so they can best support them. But like, if I can have a dream like my dream, like dream of dreams is like if I could have, like. I don't know if it's a TV show, I don't know what it is, but like that literally was in my brain Heism, I'm like this is a TV show.

Possible as a TV show to help older adults basically live out their childhood dreams and to show older adults across the nation that it's possible, Right, that that would mean the world to me. That would make everything worth it right. That would make everything worth it right Do you follow Jimmy darts on Instagram or online.

Okay, I'm gonna send you Jimmy darts. He does like people donate money and then he does random acts of kindness. You would love his account and it's just beautiful. I almost like envisioned something where you're like almost like you utilize your platform to Go out there and I'm sure people, when they see the joy that you're, that you're experiencing, you know like if they see what you're doing, like people would donate to that cause of helping Live out their child.

I want them to see older adults like they had a whole life before they came old right in a lot of their own families don't know their lives right and so, like you know the amount of times I talked to older adults and they talk about going dancing. They talk about like serving in the war. They talk about like they show you old pictures of their style and and the music that they used to listen to and what they used to do, like they had a whole, like we all had our 20s, right, we all had our 30s, and I think that one people be some older, everyone's like that all disappears right, no, and I think that's what makes aging scary.

We're like looking ahead and it's like, oh, and then my life's gonna be like there's an erasure of yeah, right like that feels very scary about well aging and then you don't want to age. You're avoiding on the age only. That's the thing that you cannot avoid, yeah, and.

Why can't? We shift that yeah, 86% of older adults will experience ageism every week. Right, it happens all the time. It is the narrative everywhere, which is like one of the things. Like you know, I personally am like I'm aging, right, so I don't. I don't touch things up, I, I live like how I am. I don't filter a photo.

Photos, but I'm not, I'm not getting.

Older and I was like, cuz I am older and I don't want to hide Aging, because I don't think aging is bad, right, which is why I think like we need like a national television show to show that, like aging Doesn't have to be bad, that you can live a wonderful life as an older adult, you can still live out your childhood dreams and and and your families can watch you succeed, right?

Yeah, I think it's so important now too, because you know, as a developments in science, so they're like, hopefully we as humans will be living longer and longer, and so you, there needs to be some sort of like Solution, just societally too, that we are not, if we start erasing somebody's existence or At a certain age and yet we keep living longer, like that's a problem too. You know what I mean. Like you can't be spending 40 of your years Experiencing ageism or whatever it is. Yeah, I mean, I change that narrative.

It's like, it's crazy, like people will be 70 and I'll ask them what they want to do with their lives and they're like I don't know. And I was like, if you live to be 78, you have eight years of this.

No, no, honey, no we can't do years of eating like cod on Fridays, like, no girl, no, we won't do that right. So so we have to figure out a plan like we have to figure out like what is it your passion, but what is you love? And and we tell older adults that once they become old, they don't have a life, and so a lot of what my job is working with older adults and mental health is like no, let's dream, let's figure out what it is you want. Let's basically use your resources to create the life that you want, not the life that you have to have.

Do you think that, like, if you have those thoughts now, like I don't have anything more that I want to do here, right, and you aren't dreaming and you are older, do you think that Subconsciously impacts how long someone absolutely might live?

absolutely, I was feeling like it would absolutely, and they die terrible deaths Right, and they die a terrible death right and I'll just tell you that like, they died terrible right, they die miserably.

They're usually disconnected from everyone and everything. There's nothing that brings them joy and and I will say a lot of times, the only person that's coming to see them is me. Yeah, and and and so, and I tell them I was like, this is not a life, right, we have to have a light right and and I understand that you're hurting and you're in pain. So if we need to use a medication to get you to the point where you're functional, like, then we will right, like, and I spend a lot of my effort doing a lot of rehab, getting people hearing aids, getting them eyeglasses, getting them free stuff, like you know, like it's very often that I'll stop by a bakery and pick up cookies Like, because they don't get cookies right Like where they are, like fresh baked cookies. So I spent a lot of my time doing that kind of stuff so that I can just give them an experience that there's like there's life outside of this stuff.

There's still stuff here for you.

Yes, Right, but that's the narrative of the adults, right, and that's an error we've been telling as a society. And I mean you open up a magazine and you see any older people there? No, unless they're selling the pens, right, unless they're like yeah or a right now you see that all around you.

What do you start, as that older adult start thinking. Just like we were talking about before. Now people say it to you. You hear, that message is too much. You adopt, that is your own story, that's what becomes your life. Well, hi, some, I see you doing big, beautiful. I literally could talk to you like literally for hours, but this is just a lightning and beautiful conversation. So thank you, thank you.

Oh, this is so much fun and I wish you the best of luck and the podcast and I would hope that everyone subscribes.

Yes, thank you. You heard it from Heism. You heard it from Heism. Subscribe, subscribe, you should too, you should go into advertisements. Heism yeah he was not paid for that, for that place.

I find value in the thing that you're doing and because I find value to it, I want to support it so that you continue to do it right. And and I think that that's one of our most powerful things it doesn't necessarily cost us anything like. Subscribing to your channel is easy. It costs me absolutely nothing to do. It actually provides me with content that I find valuable. I listen to it, I suggest it, and so I want to continue making it. But if you feel like you're not getting any positive reinforcement by doing it, at some point in time you may say is it worth it? And then you'll stop, and then I'll be sad and then I'll be like what was the problem? You're like nobody subscribed, no one was listening, and then I'll be like I was this thing right? Yeah, so subscribe.

Absolutely subscribe, being good company, heism, I appreciate you. This has been wonderful, thank you.

Of course. Thank you so much for your time.

You know it's so funny. I know you know people online would comment how many times Heism says right and I'm I do that all the time, right. I think it might see. I just did it right there. Yeah, I said right again. I think it must be a coach therapist like type of Habit of language to check in with people to see if they're understanding, to see if they're tracking, because I know I definitely do it and Heism does it too. So I should hold some sort of contest.

If you can guess how many times Both Heism and I said the word right in this episode, maybe you get a prize, maybe I'll do that. That kind of sounds like fun. But anyways, I appreciate Heism. This episode was amazing. Heism's listen to enough of these shows and knows how we end each episode, so I appreciate him doing it for me. So, like Heism said, subscribe.

And the one other thing that I'd like you to do after listening to this episode is this Go and write a review of the destination manifestation podcast. Apple podcast is the place to do it. Be sure, before you submit it, I want you to get credit for it. So take a screenshot before you submit, email it to me, dm it to me and if you do that, I will send you a destination manifestation baseball cap. Okay, that is just a thank you from me for being a part of this beautiful Manifesting community. I have like 30 baseball caps, so as long as I still have them here, I will send it your way. All music for this podcast is by AQ, and remember you deserve, you belong and you will have. I'll catch you next time.